7 Views Above

Guaranteed them happiness, joy, security, and provisions at the expense of my security sowed a hybrid seed of personal insecurity within myself that I could not enjoy or be happy at the fruits of my labor. Though at least I knew my memory would recall the current proceedings in the time to come I would find calm that I was the cause of their happiness hoping by then I would attempt to bring the memory to life in that present time so that I could withdraw and absorb the happiness of the past in the present time I would be for I had failed to find joy and happiness in its current time that had elapsed. For I had shared my happiness with the ones broken in spirit after it had come at the expense of others. A memorial for my happiest memory that I was never happy when it was in its present and still struggle to enjoy in its memory state. I could feel the happiness as my heart was overflowing with joy I could not sense and my mind was numb to the happiness. My conscience could process that ...

How can you reconcile in favor of healing? Reconcile with who? Can you not see the con and conning in reCONcile. You are being conned to heal. In your numbness of pain, you lust for healing, and your hypocrisy in your law of ‘unhealing’ is persecuting you in its ‘righteousness’. Who will you become and what will you be when your identity is infected by healing? You are broken and an invaluable weight unto yourself, for now, you desire to injure the pre-reject yourself for satisfaction.  Heal? From what pain? From which trauma? From whose rejection? Of what disappointment? Heal for whom and for what? Isn’t the pain for the purpose? Isn’t the pain for the purpose! Heal from what when the pain has become numb. Heal? Healing and to heal is anesthesia to pacify the hurt so that they do not harm what broke them which heals them than treats them. Heal till when; when you do not know when your time will come to elapse? How could you heal when the pain has become numb yet you live and survi...

You have driven out its conscience so that its bitter human nature becomes its conscience and tragically your logic thought of it with a cent and sense too short, now it is numb to its self-inflicted pain. The purpose is greater than the pain but You made the pain manifest into bitterness and made it accept rejection externally and then internally for You rejected it for it to accept Your provision. You decided to hold its hand remotely now it uses that remoteness to capture and choke You from a distance. You feel that you should hold yourself to account for what transpired. You think that you must be convicted for what is happening. You contemplate that you are the fault for what continues to falter yet whether You hold yourself to account, conviction, or a fault. You are aware that you are neither the catalyst nor enzyme to the eternal tragedy but you are just a tissue of the science and You are devouring yourself because the catalyst that is the enzyme holds You to conviction than...

You do not want them to repent, you lust for them to confess their sin so that the confession can fuel your pride further that is echoed by pain so that you can continue with your quest of unforgiveness that is a conquest upon you. You do want to forgive however your pride is clutching you captive willingly. Your pride bellows,” After all the time and resources you invested in building pride whose foundation was pain, how could you crucify yourself by humbling yourself to forgive them?” You are feeding them poison as you eat out of their mouth. Now your pride is your demise as it collapses and melts you to ruins before you fall. Your pain is now crucifying for refusing to heal through reconciliation and the unforgiveness you hold on to by a thread has sunk its claws into your soul-less flesh to propel you to surge down to the abyss. Pride cometh before the fall but your demise has dawned before the fall. Your pride is crucifying you for you refuse to do what the Messiah was martyred fo...

  Late repentance? What is late repentance? Late for what? What is there to repent for which is more valuable than what you are not repenting for? They said, “his coming soon and you do not have to be late”, yet his coming soon on whose watch, his or mine? Who defines what one should repent from and show me the value of repentance not vomit to me the spiritual theoretical worth of it? What is repentance’s value or worth if it fails to immunize me from sin? I am far too gone to repent and repentance at this apex is backsliding. I do not see the revelation of myself profiteering from my repentance but melting to a vector that I become collapsed ruins.  It’s too late to release it off you and it’s too soon for you to let go. There is no more time left yet there is ample time for you to continue for the eternality of your mortality. It is your pride and your pleasure, as others wear their pride on their sleeve you cover your soul with the pride of unrepentance. They bleated, ‘’His...

How do you expect yourself to be someone’s responsibility when you cannot account for yourself? When you reach out for connection you oppose the engagement for you are tormented it will inject your insecurities which you ache to be healed from. Due to the lust for connection, you stand tall to compromise your standards to have a say but no communication with the hope the say and the responses for it can sum up the void of your lack of communication disseminated by your fear to connect. You want to connect with the sympathies to your brokenness being the ticket instead of engaging with honesty that can build you not mend you. Thus, you flash your pain in vast illuminations for it be unseen by those whom you desire to connect with so that they will not feel guilty for turning a blind eye to pain that they never saw.  You are here, tragically you were present before you appeared, together you are one with them though your presence is absent. You move together with a union with no pur...

You now feel brand new and you think that you look new to your ‘new’ friends who do not seem to notice you, then in your new state, you are now a stranger to your old friends that now glimpse at you through the lenses of their new friends whom you and they are strangers to each other. You are in a holocaust for new emotion without acceptance but just approval. The new you is a stranger to yourself so how then do you intend on introducing a stranger to new people who are strangers to you for friendship? What is the gold of the ruby in your soul that you will mesmerize them with for them to realize the weight of value in you that they do not have to mine for? New friends? ‘New’ friends. New associates to hide behind as new friends or correctly ‘new’ friends. You now see new faces but still envision your old self when you look at these new faces that you want to be your new friends. What happened to your old friends? What made them old? What ignited you to quest for new friends? Your old ...