'New' Friends

You now feel brand new and you think that you look new to your ‘new’ friends who do not seem to notice you, then in your new state, you are now a stranger to your old friends that now glimpse at you through the lenses of their new friends whom you and they are strangers to each other. You are in a holocaust for new emotion without acceptance but just approval. The new you is a stranger to yourself so how then do you intend on introducing a stranger to new people who are strangers to you for friendship? What is the gold of the ruby in your soul that you will mesmerize them with for them to realize the weight of value in you that they do not have to mine for?

New friends? ‘New’ friends. New associates to hide behind as new friends or correctly ‘new’ friends. You now see new faces but still envision your old self when you look at these new faces that you want to be your new friends. What happened to your old friends? What made them old? What ignited you to quest for new friends? Your old friends now have new friends and you are an old friend in the lust for new friends so you pursue new faces to be your ‘new’ friends. 

You now feel brand new and you think that you look new to your ‘new’ friends who do not seem to notice you in your new state you are now a stranger to your old friends that now glimpse at you through the lenses of their new friends whom you and they are strangers to each other. So, you now greed new friends who will be strangers to your old friends and ‘unfriendly’ unfortunately the strangers you want to be your new friends do not need new friends and it will be emotionally taxing for them to be your ‘new’ friends.

Everyone grew through pain and you learned to be numb to the crucifixion so that you could be befriended but your numbness to the pain has made you emotionless, unaccommodating and rigid in your friendships that need compassion and understanding for the relationship. Now you are jealous of your friends’ new friends who open up and find laughter through the struggle that you brave yourself through with numb emotions. You are in a holocaust for new emotion without acceptance but just approval. 

Around your ‘new’ friends you are a stranger and talk with no communication as well as smiling with no connection. So, who has the potential of being your friend among these new strangers? Who holds the highest probability of befriending you than having the potential of being your friend? For your new friends, you need to quench your lust for friendships and not fulfill the purposes of friendship. Are you friends with yourself? The new you is a stranger to yourself so how then do you intend on introducing a stranger (being yourself) to new people who are strangers to you for friendship?

 You desire to be surrounded by new faces to cleanse your past that you live in that never lived to expectations because you felt your friends did not befriend you enough as if you were a friend to the par. You seeking friendship with these new people, new strangers, them you are not seeking but pursuing hidden interests that will make you even a more suspicious stranger to them than a new odd stranger. What is the gold of the ruby in your soul that you will mesmerize them with to realize the weight of value in you that they do not have to mine for?        

       

You are lonely when you are in a circle with your ‘new’ friends and you are isolated when around your old friends with their new friends. You cannot be in isolation nor can you be joined with no connection. Who will you rely on? Who will you call when you are in the lust to communicate? You are a loner now? An anti-socialist person? People whom you talk to now don’t give you the therapy you thirst for and neither will your ‘new’ friends nor old friends.