The Adulterer

 I had to satisfy myself with someone’s wife which is adultery yet the satisfaction or pleasure of adultery outweighs the consequences of the sin and the sin itself. For my hunger for satisfaction began to desire any appetite so that it would not become starvation. Hence I realize it was not the fear of committing adultery but the fear of how to become numb and overcome the guilty conscience of adultery. The satisfaction of adultery outweighs the guilty conscience.

He staggered himself in the streets as he was being pierced by a guilty conscience from a distance. He knew what he had done was wrong yet satisfactory and fulfilling more than it pleasured him. He arrived at the door of his home then rammed it in and went straight into the bathroom. Filled the bathtub with cold running water till it began to overflow then haphazardly dived into the bathtub fully clothed. His head was a whisker away from going beneath the overflowing water then he became still as the water kept on running and profusely overflowing. He shouted internally to himself, “You are now an adulterer. Your desires for satisfaction have been fulfilled through sin yet somehow you find the sin less consequential than the pleasure that was beyond the satisfaction you got from sin. Your satisfaction has been fulfilled by sin and it feels just.”

He began breathing through the tip of his nose for his mouth and his face was suctioned below the running water in the bathtub. He simultaneously started to console himself and justify his sin, “This became the only way when the multiple ways began to become infinite paths with no destination and as a result, I began to run out of time, became indebted to time then elapsed out of patience. I had to reap even if it meant harvesting what I did not sow for my hunger for satisfaction began to desire any appetite so that it would not become starvation. I had to satisfy myself with someone’s wife which is adultery but the satisfaction or the pleasure of adultery outweighs the consequences of the sin itself.  Making another man’s wife cheat on him with me. Well, cheaters never win but they thrive and prosper. Do you feel guilty for doing what is wrong yet pleasurable? No, what I did was not wrong it was a sin. However, it is not the first sin I have committed and I wonder why I am being tormented by guilt? It is a sin I committed with a clear conscience highly aware that I am committing an abomination that I will be guilty of thus why the guilty conscience is tormenting me.” He began trying to acupuncture the piercing guilty conscience, “The guilt that is dissecting you was instilled in you by a system that does not want you to feel pleasure, satisfaction and fulfillment that is outside the parameters of that system. A system that is not human yet dictates how humans should be human. I inform you once more, the guilty conscience that is piercing you wants to keep you enslaved to it. Examine and then analyze how this abomination or sin called adultery is satisfying and fulfilling. You were about to progress from hunger to starvation now you are full because of adultery. By the way, it is a sin unto whom?  Not you.”  His nose just like the rest of his body slid below the surface of the cold water yet he was numb to its chilling effects due to his trying to not only ease the guilty conscience but eradicate it.  

His body then drowned on the surface of the bathtub as the pressure of the running water continued pressurizing on top of the overflowing water. As if he wanted to drown the guilty conscience to death and bring more life to a non-conscious mind that sees no sin nor wrong in satisfying the pleasures and the fulfillment of oneself, “If it was right why then is guilty conscience is tormenting you? It was just sex right, but with whom? It was sex before marriage with a married woman? Now, these are two sins, adultery and sex before marriage. All sins can be forgiven but are sins forgiven for free without consequences? Now it is no longer a guilty conscience that is piercing you but the consequences of the sin that is unknown to you. Now you are adjusting yourself to be able to bear and weather the consequences of the unknown. Now ask yourself, “Does the pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment of the sin outweigh the consequences of the sin?  Well,, it is no longer a sin to me but a satisfactory fulfillment. If the consequences of the pleasure which is to be a punishment unto me, well I know that the pleasure outweighs the pain of the punishment. For the meal of this so-called ‘adultery’ saved my trumpeting and thudding hunger from revolting to becoming starvation. Now my hunger has been quenched but it is now in desire for more, for adultery fulfills to a point whereby sooner or earlier the guilty conscience becomes numb. To be numb to a guilty conscience as I am to the cold water and the lack of oxygen that has been derived from me yet I am still living. Hence I realize it was not the fear of committing adultery but the fear of how to become numb and overcome the guilty conscience of adultery. The satisfaction of adultery outweighs the guilty conscience.”

His still body began to float above the water as his nose began to softly inhale oxygen, “I am an adulterer, an adulterer I am for I am an adult therefore I could bear the responsibility of adultery. I would have never been an adulterer if the paths I glided on for satisfaction had a destination. Now I can engage in more adultery.  Engage in more adultery? Adultery is no longer the term to use for it ignites a pacified sense of guilt. I can engage in more pleasurable acts for fulfillment without fear of being held to account by a system that is not human yet dictates how humans should be human. A system that is not human dictates and alters human satisfaction, pleasures,, and fulfillment in a way that is not human and beyond logic.”

Am I an adulterer? No, I am human and I am embracing the desires of my humanity with a clear conscience that is not haunted by a guilty conscience that is not human.