Over and under

You have burnt a harvest whose seedlings you have not yet planted due to your actions. You were aware of the consequences of your desires but you pursued them with a lustful purpose. You were enlightened of the consequences of your desires but you pursued them with a lustful purpose. Now you are tormented by the thought that all you slaved yourself to build to emancipate yourself is coming to crumble due to the actions of your liberal will. It would have been better for you to be consumed as a slave than as an individual who slaved for emancipation, got it then demarcated themself at the power of the liberal will in their hands. Isn't it better for you to be clawed by the fire of your actions than for the harvest to be razed by the fire due to your actions? Why would the harvest be held accountable for your actions and not you? It would have been better if you lost yourself then posses what you slaved for. Than to have yourself to yourself then lose all you lost yourself to gain. 

You knew the end of these actions of yours but you still did it. You were aware of the consequences of your desires but you pursued them with a lustful purpose. It was revealed to you how it would end, tragically you destined yourself for Armageddon willingly. Started a fire not because you had gotten cold but to cool the wildfire in you that deceived you that it would burst out and consume you in the process if you kept containing it. Now here you are in silence but with no peace as the guilty conscience scales you to wonder what your punishment will be. When it will be, how it will be, who it will be from, or through and from where. You have burnt a harvest whose seedlings you have not planted due to your actions. Now you will persevere the persecution of the process to plant the seeds, tend to their growth then watch them being guillotined by a wildfire you seeded into the growth of the harvest. 

It was satisfying yet in its pleasure it devoured you in exchange for the arousement it gave you. Its satisfaction was seeing you being devoured and devouring you. Where was your guilty conscience when the wildfire in you was demanding to be quenched in a way that had neither conscience nor morality? Your sweat, blood, and tears have all been drowned by the quench of the wildfire in you. Now it's over and under, and so are you too, over and under. 

You would burn the harvest again if you could to quench the wildfire in you and then pretend as if your conscience is being plagued with guilt. Don't you think if your conscience feared the pandemic of guilt it would have never vomited the larva in you to 'water' the harvest but subdued itself internally with another fire? It is not your guilty conscience you are worried about but the harvest you have positioned for a wildfire. You are tormented by the thought that all you slaved yourself to build to emancipate yourself is coming to crumble at the actions of your liberal will. It would have been better for you to be consumed as a slave than as an individual who slaved for emancipation, got it then disfigured themself at the the power of the liberal will in their hands. 

If you hadn't built this harvest then probably you wouldn't have unleashed the thirst of fire in you, because it is the harvest that gave you the power to realize you have the resources to release the fire in you due to the wealth of the harvest but that same fire you released would then gobble the same element that gave you the power and resources to release the fire, the source is the harvest. And you have just done that. You have burnt the harvest. It's over and you are over but your fire has not been quenched, now it's devouring you more than before because it has now become insatiable and the harvest continues to be massacred by the fire and it is the same harvest you need to quench the fire in you. You are on fire, not in the right/good fire but hell type of fire you are burning. 

You have burnt a harvest and it is the same harvest you need to quench a fire in you that you knew how to contain. Only you do not know who, what, when, where, and how the harvest will burn but you do know why which is important. It will be razed because you lighted the fire. Isn't it better for you to be clawed by the fire of your actions than for the harvest to be razed by the fire due to your actions? Why would the harvest be held accountable for your actions and not you? Well, because you have to live to see the consequences of your actions you did intentionally, by having the harvest that made you light the fire be lightening struck by floods so that you will know why not to light fires that are influenced by the burning desires of your 'heart'. Now you have no harvest and surely you shall light no fires. Right?  Maybe the harvest will rot from within? And you will live to harvest a rotten harvest? 

It would have been better if you lost yourself then posses all that you slaved for. Than to have yourself to yourself then lose all you lost yourself to gain. Every action has a reaction but this action had]s/had a consequence.