Premeditated Guilt

 Her conscience rebuked her than counseled her to do the logical thing that would not make her suffer from a guilty conscience, however, her human nature was already mentoring her and then parenting her on how to have premeditated guilt so that she would have no guilty conscience before, during and after committing an offense that would be a crime and a sin simultaneously. “You should be calm before your actions of justification which is what they are and not actions of guilt. For the justification of your actions outweigh the mass of guilty conscience and when it is so the logical thing to do will be to let your conscience go out of both its mind and your mind for the guilty conscience will tip the scale in selfish favor of itself over the justification of your actions. See how your guilty conscience is giving you low self-esteem for you have not thoroughly prepared yourself to have an excellent premeditated guilty conscience, that when the guilty conscience infects you; you will be immune to it. You feel guilty for not doing what will eradicate your guilty conscience that has suffocated your logic.

She stood by the sink and then let the hot water flood out of the tap as she began scrubbing her hands with the hot water and ethanol. Her hands were clean though and there was no need for her to cleanse them. She then went outside of her house, removed her clothes, burnt them in the trash can, and went back inside the house. She began drinking a bottle of vodka fused with painkiller tablets and sleeping pills then threw herself on an invisible couch. It was now an additional several time she had recited that routine on what she was going to do after committing a guilty offense she was premeditating on.  She was finding ways to stomp out the guilty conscience before she committed the guilty offense.  Though somehow her conscience rebuked her than counseled her to do the logical thing that would not make her suffer from a guilty conscience, however, her human nature was already mentoring then parenting her to have premeditated guilt so that she would have no guilty conscience before, during and after committing an offense that would be a crime and a sin simultaneously.  

Her human nature began to counsel her on the justification of premeditated guilt as the vodka fused with painkiller tablets and sleeping pills flew around her biological system including her soul, “It is done now. You have achieved what you desired which was taking away life to bring life to your life. What you have achieved is not immoral nor is it a crime nor a sin for it has not harmed you but has annihilated another due to the actions that you did to achieve your desires. Do you feel guilty for doing what is wrong yet just unto you? The fusion of vodka, painkiller tablets and sleeping pills you digest into your system is a revelation of a guilty conscience that will mentally depress you traumatically before and after your actions, therefore you should do away with such a fusion of vodka, painkiller tablets and sleeping pills and adopt another union. A union of champagne, ice cream, breast milk and raw pork.  You should be calm before your actions of justification which is what they are and not actions of guilt. For the justification of your actions outweigh the mass of guilty conscience and when it is so the logical thing to do will be to let your conscience go out of both its mind and your mind for the guilty conscience will tip the scale in selfish favor of itself over the justification of your actions. See how a guilty conscience is giving you low self-esteem for you have not thoroughly prepared yourself to have an excellent premeditated guilty conscience that when the guilty conscience infects you; you will be immune to it.”

She began to profusely vomit which was a rare performance in her daily routine of the recites she was working to perfect. The vomit choked her and in the process, she ironically swallowed her eyes backward as if she was excreting her guilty conscience through her mouth. She was excreting both her guilty conscience and the fusion of vodka, painkiller tablets and sleeping pills. She wondered to herself if this is how guilt would feel if she was ready for a guilty conscience. How could she have a guilty conscience when her human nature has no conscience? Her vomiting profusely was her human nature throwing out conscience and any other element that is not of it, similar to it and identical to it but not it. It was not premeditated guilt she was feeding on; it was premeditated sin, offense and crime with no conscience. For she knew that no matter how many times she would prepare herself for premeditated guilt she would not be ready for the logical consequences that would follow her actions and break apart her premeditated guilty conscience thus why she let her human nature become the conscience for human nature has no guilty conscience. She stood up from her invisible couch to wash off the vomit, “You feel guilty for not doing what will eradicate your guilty conscience that has suffocated your logic. Free your logic from a guilty conscience so that you will not be tortured by premeditated guilt that always remains premeditated and never mediated or meditated upon. How long will you keep up with your daily theatrics? Washing your hands with hot water and ethanol like you are scrubbing blood from a premeditated murder that you have not done but are committed to doing yet will never commit because your logic is psychologically imprisoned by your conscience. Drowning yourself in strong substances for you are trying to numb a pain that is not there and a depression that might never begin to settle in. Just do what you are meditating on will give you a guilty conscience and you will deal with the consequences which is better than being tormented by a premeditated guilty conscience.”