Numb Victory

 He had all the priceless peace which evolved into a deafening silence that began to secretly devour him quietly. The self-sacrifice he made for himself and the servant leadership he served himself with to be a victor did not make him selfish or self-centered, it is what he had to do for himself to not be a victim of other people’s victories. For the spoils of his victory were accepted by his soul but the way he became victorious was despised deeply by his soul yet praised by his human nature that had become his conscience. It dawned on him that the human nature that he had indoctrinated in himself to engineer him for victory did not architecture him for the victims of victory he was to earn and devour than the gains of victory he deserved. The force of human nature has no supernatural powers above it like the ones that enslave the human conscience.

He could touch his success but could not feel it. See it before his very eyes yet could not visualize it for it blinded him. He lived with success though he was deceased to its celebrations. He had elite perfumes and fragrances that he anointed on his body though they were odorless to his nose. He was more than a conqueror but the victor; however, the victory was numb unto him. He was attributed and endorsed yet he could not find value in himself in the way he got attributed and endorsed. To an extent that he did not even know why he was being attributed. He had all the priceless peace which turned into deafening silence which began to secretly devour him quietly. He contemplated to himself if his victory was worth it when it became numb to him. Had he done the just thing the vile way? For the joys of his heart and soul were before him, tragically he was not in his joys to enjoy them though they were in him. His desperation to feel and live in his joys of victory evolved into a deep depression that made him question himself, “Was it worth it or is it worth it?”

He agitatedly rubbed his fists together just like the friction that was going on between his conscience and his soul then began to offer himself polarized and subjective therapy, ”You are just in a bad mood at this hour not that it will be a bad mood for the whole day. Your character and attitude will suffocate this bad mood before it becomes a tormenting and stench vibe. The self-sacrifice you made for yourself and the servant leadership you served yourself with to be a victor does not make you selfish or self-centered; it is what you had to do for yourself to not be a victim of other people’s victories. The colonized and imperialized conscience that you let go in favor of human nature with no conscience is why you are the victor. Ask yourself what would you rather be, ”A losing victim with a just conscience or a victor whose human nature is his conscience?” For if you had a conscience you would have feared being a victor for certain aspects of a human conscience enslave you from victory but the force of human nature has no supernatural powers above it like the ones that enslave the human conscience. You tell yourself, “The victory is numb unto you; you live with success though you are deceased to its celebrations.” So you would rather be a victim of someone’s victory? When you see that those who are victims due to other people’s victorious dominance struggle to survive each hour. You live with success though you are deceased to its celebrations? Maybe you are celebrating your success the wrong way and with the incorrect people. It could be your colonized and imperialized conscience that you let go of but did not eradicate colonialism and imperialism from your soul that could be why you are failing than struggling to enjoy your victory and it becomes a numb victory. For your victorious human nature that became your conscience is conflicting with your soul, the spoils of victory your soul desires are different from that of your human nature. No wonder why you question yourself if it was worth it or if you did it the just thing the vile way. For the spoils of your victory are accepted by your soul but the way you became victorious is despised deeply by your soul yet praised by your human nature that is your conscience."

His human nature had become his conscience but somehow that human nature began to feel pity for how other people’s human nature was inhuman to other humans for the sake of victory. Wondered to himself if people with a human nature like his struggled to enjoy their victories by having a bad mood’ once in a while that made them numb to victories. Though he knew it was more than just a bad mood but an ongoing cycle that would increase its current once in a while and make the while worthwhile. At least he had the most than having the least whilst doing the most. It dawned on him that the human nature that he had indoctrinated in himself to engineer him for victory did not architecture him for the victims of victory he was to earn and devour than the gains of victory he deserved. Yet somehow he was calm that he had been victorious though not happy, had no stress though depressed. He miserably smiled to himself, “Numb victory? What is numb victory? Do you think the victims who look at your victory see you be numb to it? Would you rather be a happy victim or a tormented victor? Victim or Victor? To be a victor you have to victimize. You victimized your own conscience to indoctrinate a human nature that your past conscience despised for you to be a victor, so do not be concerned by those who are your victims or are victims of other people’s human nature. The moment they allow a certain human nature to possess their conscience they will become victorious but how many numb victors will we have that shall desire to be victims for the victory they got will be numb unto them or are being victimized by victory?” Allow your human nature to become your soul and mind so they will not be any conflict.