The Invention Of Alison

This is a sick narrative confession. She was a figment of my imagination that ended up altering my reality and those around me. She was a lie that I sensationally marketed to myself and those around me to an extent that she became an honest gospel. She was a false doctrine that even the anointed seers could not have a revelation about her. Loneliness, envy, self-doubt, self-hatred, lack of self-actualization, a personal history not worth telling and insecurities made me invent a scripted human being that was a fantasy yet had a sting effect on reality. 

How do I begin this? Yes from the beginning. You see, everyone who was someone and even the unknown nobodies of the lowest class were falling in and out of love then into lust then back again into love. Tragically, there I was failing to fall in love or lust with either the next person of the opposite gender or myself. I could not even tolerate myself. I loved one person over or beyond too many times and she did not allow me to love her. Fast forward to the present day just before the invention of Alison, I found myself in a similar predicament of loving someone who had doubts if she liked me or had doubts to even tolerate me. So therefore I could not risk my inexperienced and fragile heart to be a victim of heartless tragedy in the making, hence I invented Alison to be my plan B in case reality was to view my love proposal to be a dull and dim magical fantasy. 

So therefore I brought to life my invention of a scripted female human being through online text but what was needed was the female face of a living and active human being to cement a holy lie for I could not script a face. So my distant but close sister allowed me to borrow her face and use it as Alison's face to the huge majority of people who did not know either my distant sister or Alison. So there she was a fully scripted live human being controlled by my thoughts and emotions to shape the way people thought about me online. 

The dark and grim curses of loneliness, envy, self-doubt, self-hatred, lack of self-actualization, a personal history not worth telling and insecurities were cured by Alison. 'We went out together', 'had relationship issues based on mistrust', 'texted each other', had an online appearance as to my script and it was progressing smoothly. Those around me believed it, for if you see it online then it is true and thou shalt believe it. After all or either way, seeing is believing. For when they saw me, they saw her. I did believe in it more than anyone else for I lived in it but I could not feel the effect of psychological trauma that was devouring me inside as I kept up appearances with a false but seemingly truthful reality. I even cheated on Alison when I went out with another girl but I was cheating on myself. Wasn't I? Even she believed.

I became comfortable with a lie that I lived in daily. For I failed to turn my honest thoughts and imagination into a reality. Come to think of it, my thoughts were false too and my imagination was a science fiction fantasy, too false to be in the League of Imagination. I severely cost myself opportunities and relationships due to a comforting lie that was churned out of imagination that had become much more real than reality. Maybe I should write a book about this and you will have time to deeply understand it and I would have had time to contemplate how to bring it all out.