Murdering My Children
I am a single mother surviving on a low pay cheque who is suffering from an addiction and planning on murdering my own two children, in a bid to turn my life into a success. To lessen my burdens. It is not definite but it is a gamble worth the risk.
I can not believe that by tomorrow morning my two children will be free. Free from the pains of this world. Free from a horrendous mother like me. They will be free in heaven. I will and I shall murder my two children tomorrow morning. I do not view it to be murder but setting two lively souls free. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Am I murdering my children because they are terminally ill? No. Am I murdering my children because I want life insurance policy? No. Am I murdering my children so that I can make a statement to my foes and family? No. I am murdering my children for I can no longer afford to be a mother.
Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
I can not believe that by tomorrow morning my two children will be free. Free from the pains of this world. Free from a horrendous mother like me. They will be free in heaven. I will and I shall murder my two children tomorrow morning. I do not view it to be murder but setting two lively souls free. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Am I murdering my children because they are terminally ill? No. Am I murdering my children because I want life insurance policy? No. Am I murdering my children so that I can make a statement to my foes and family? No. I am murdering my children for I can no longer afford to be a mother.
Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Yes I can no longer afford to be a mother. I can no longer assist them financially. I can no longer assist them with education, food, clothes, their needs and social welfare. So it is better they go into the hands of GOD where they will be safe and have all they need. It is a very hard decision to make, to murder your own children. Aged ten and seven. Decisions are decisions. I have to be the woman just like someone has to be the man. Just like someone claims they have the balls and guts to do it. I as a woman I have too.
I have to murder these children.I need to be free. They need to be free.
Should I continue to support them? Continue to raise them? With what? What about me? I have been living hand to mouth, not my mouth but theirs (my children). I understand that mothers should make sacrifices for their children no matter the circumstances and that is life. But now, what I am doing are no longer sacrifices. Its now slavery. Dehumanization. I am bound and chained. I can break the chains. I have to break chains. I can free myself. I have to murder those children. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
I have to murder these children.I need to be free. They need to be free.
Should I continue to support them? Continue to raise them? With what? What about me? I have been living hand to mouth, not my mouth but theirs (my children). I understand that mothers should make sacrifices for their children no matter the circumstances and that is life. But now, what I am doing are no longer sacrifices. Its now slavery. Dehumanization. I am bound and chained. I can break the chains. I have to break chains. I can free myself. I have to murder those children. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
How will I live knowing that I am mother who murdered her own children? Well that is the sacrifice for freedom. Ask war veterans, war liberation heroes and freedom activists. There is nothing greater than freedom. Even the sacrifices for freedom are nothing compared to the end result. I want you to understand. This is not only a quest for my own freedom from the burdens of motherhood but also for my children. Its a win win situation. Its fair. Its called objectivity. It is what a good mother does.
Do you think my children are enjoying their lives? How do you think they feel. When they look at their lunch and what the next child is having? They are having food that is below the poverty datum line and the next child is eating something above the middle class datum line.
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
Have you ever seen prices sky rocketing in front of you? Have you ever seen the bills increase monthly? Yet you do not even understand how you are being charged or rated. Have you ever received a pay cheque that will keep you below the poverty datum line? Then you have children that you have to feed. Feed with what? I have been through all this and more. Which has led to me making the right decision. To murder my children.
If these children where not here, I would not even be planning this. I would not even be below the poverty datum line. The bills would increase at a lesser ratio than they are now. Maybe the bills would have had a stagnant figure on them. It is those children that are the causing factors of such. Imagine if they where not present. All the money I invested in their lives and education, if I had kept it or saved it. Where would I be now? Above the poverty datum line I tell you
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
Do you think my children are enjoying their lives? How do you think they feel. When they look at their lunch and what the next child is having? They are having food that is below the poverty datum line and the next child is eating something above the middle class datum line.
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
Have you ever seen prices sky rocketing in front of you? Have you ever seen the bills increase monthly? Yet you do not even understand how you are being charged or rated. Have you ever received a pay cheque that will keep you below the poverty datum line? Then you have children that you have to feed. Feed with what? I have been through all this and more. Which has led to me making the right decision. To murder my children.
If these children where not here, I would not even be planning this. I would not even be below the poverty datum line. The bills would increase at a lesser ratio than they are now. Maybe the bills would have had a stagnant figure on them. It is those children that are the causing factors of such. Imagine if they where not present. All the money I invested in their lives and education, if I had kept it or saved it. Where would I be now? Above the poverty datum line I tell you
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
Now I have to invest more in their education. From my minimal pay cheque, I got to deduct school fees, uniforms, food and every other need for these two. For the next two decades or so. What if I get retrenched. It is always the minimal paid workers that are shown the door first. Languishing in poverty and in a struggle when I could just hit the kill switch Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Can you see the vision? No school fees to pay, no uniforms to buy, no child expenses. Can you see the vision? A minimal cheque that I can invest into my own future. Turn nothing into something for me.
My ten year old son yesterday said, " Mother. I saw a commercial on the television. The local retail shop is selling a human size barbie doll. Can you please get one for me?" My response in silence was, "I will get you one or maybe two or three. When I no longer have to cater for your needs. But unfortunately, you will not be able to see it nor touch it." I can afford it when he is dead. Unless if he wants to stop attending school and eating for a whole year.
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
If you are a struggling father. Why do you have to continue to struggle. Why do I have to continue to struggle? Because its what we are? It is our lives? Do you see any life in that? You need to take a life to live a live.
My children are not the only financial strain that I have. My addiction is weighing more on me than my children. A minimal pay cheque that has to support my addiction, me, my children, the rent, the bills and everything else. Its a minimal pay cheque when I put my addiction on the to do list, spending list or budget. My childrens' school fees is in debt. I owe the school a huge sum of money. I would not have owed the school a huge sum of money if these children where not present. I would have owed my addiction a huge sum of money. Better to owe it to myself and my addiction than these children.
This morning I received an eviction notice. That by the next morning I should be evicted. I could have paid the rent. Those bills. Well I had to use the money for those children's' needs. Those children, not my children. They needed new uniforms. The old ones became smaller, if they never got smaller but old, then they would wear the old ones till they looked brand new. See the lives that my children are living and you still think I should let them live.
Can you see the vision? No school fees to pay, no uniforms to buy, no child expenses. Can you see the vision? A minimal cheque that I can invest into my own future. Turn nothing into something for me.
My ten year old son yesterday said, " Mother. I saw a commercial on the television. The local retail shop is selling a human size barbie doll. Can you please get one for me?" My response in silence was, "I will get you one or maybe two or three. When I no longer have to cater for your needs. But unfortunately, you will not be able to see it nor touch it." I can afford it when he is dead. Unless if he wants to stop attending school and eating for a whole year.
I have to murder these children. I need to be free. They need to be free.
My children are not the only financial strain that I have. My addiction is weighing more on me than my children. A minimal pay cheque that has to support my addiction, me, my children, the rent, the bills and everything else. Its a minimal pay cheque when I put my addiction on the to do list, spending list or budget. My childrens' school fees is in debt. I owe the school a huge sum of money. I would not have owed the school a huge sum of money if these children where not present. I would have owed my addiction a huge sum of money. Better to owe it to myself and my addiction than these children.
This morning I received an eviction notice. That by the next morning I should be evicted. I could have paid the rent. Those bills. Well I had to use the money for those children's' needs. Those children, not my children. They needed new uniforms. The old ones became smaller, if they never got smaller but old, then they would wear the old ones till they looked brand new. See the lives that my children are living and you still think I should let them live.
How do you think my children feel when they see an eviction notice? That states action should have been taken a weak before. Knowing they are going to start sleeping under a bridge, a tunnel or a shack. Do you think they deserve that? I think they deserve to have a peace of mind and rest. The only way to give them what they deserve is by letting them R.I.P. Rest In Peace. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Every one has an addiction. If you do not have an addiction, then you are not human. Drug addiction, gambling, sex addiction, bestiality. I do have an addiction. Deeper than heroine addiction. Now I can not support it, I have to support these children. A Biblical quotation by Jesus Christ, " A servant can not serve two masters, for he or she will love one more than the other." To serve my addiction or my children. The numbers are equal here. My addiction and me then my two children. Two on two. Just and fair right?
I think these children have to be grateful for the time they have had on earth. The sacrifices I made for them from nothing. They have to appreciate. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Maybe I should just hand them over to social services. Then they will map a way forward for them. I can not continue like this and them too. Maybe it will look more appealing to social services if we are living in a shack or under the bridge. Wait! Wait! Wait! The objective here is to murder these children. What if I win the lottery? What if I get a pay raise? What if I get a bigger house? What if...? Then social services will return those children to me and we will be back to a position before the starting line. Damn.
So there I am, in present day (today). With no children. No remorse. Still getting a minimal pay cheque. Still getting eviction notices. Still an addict, but glad that I can fully support it. At least I did not have to do anything horrendous. Oh I murdered my own children to give both of us a peace of mind.
Every one has an addiction. If you do not have an addiction, then you are not human. Drug addiction, gambling, sex addiction, bestiality. I do have an addiction. Deeper than heroine addiction. Now I can not support it, I have to support these children. A Biblical quotation by Jesus Christ, " A servant can not serve two masters, for he or she will love one more than the other." To serve my addiction or my children. The numbers are equal here. My addiction and me then my two children. Two on two. Just and fair right?
I think these children have to be grateful for the time they have had on earth. The sacrifices I made for them from nothing. They have to appreciate. Suffocation! Poisoning! Human Trafficking!
Maybe I should just hand them over to social services. Then they will map a way forward for them. I can not continue like this and them too. Maybe it will look more appealing to social services if we are living in a shack or under the bridge. Wait! Wait! Wait! The objective here is to murder these children. What if I win the lottery? What if I get a pay raise? What if I get a bigger house? What if...? Then social services will return those children to me and we will be back to a position before the starting line. Damn.
So there I am, in present day (today). With no children. No remorse. Still getting a minimal pay cheque. Still getting eviction notices. Still an addict, but glad that I can fully support it. At least I did not have to do anything horrendous. Oh I murdered my own children to give both of us a peace of mind.
Comments
Post a Comment