Redemption

I failed the first attempt, I failed the second and that was it. I failed to take advantage of redemption. Now I am an emotional wreck with an uncertain future.

Well, maybe the beginning of this piece could have started by stating that "I failed at the first attempt, I succeeded the second time and now it's something else." Yet it's starting with a negative point of view.

Why a negative point of view? Well, I always got a chance at redemption after I messed up. When I got redeemed, my mind would be like "Yes a second chance to right my wrongs." That is what it was, a second chance to right my wrong but never understood the value of redemption. Why did I not understand this?

Reason being I had been redeemed so many times that I failed to grasp or understand the value of redemption. Unaware that they are individuals out there who have never received a shot at redemption or worse an opportunity at all. But there I was abusing all opportunities I got without a conscience, knowing very well I was to get redeemed. Until redemption decided to save itself from me.

Let me explain the positive point of view if this piece had started by stating that " I failed at the first attempt, I succeeded at the second attempt and it's now something else."

Why a positive point of view? Opportunities never came knocking on my front door and when I chased for opportunities, I constantly told myself I am chasing the wind but what could I do?

At least I was chasing something and maybe through the chase, an opportunity would appear in the path.

So I got my first opportunity, after a long chase and struggle. Lord, I could not wait to exploit it and make the best out of it. For it had not come easy and if I was to fail to exploit it, it would be the end, not knowing how long I would chase the wind again with uncertainty.

Tragedy! Tragedy! Tragedy! Tragedy! I failed to exploit the opportunity. There I was bitter at myself, lifeless, hopeless, and less of an individual than I was.

The opportunity was gone, could I have redemption? Even the thought of redemption was not in my mind. I did not even know what the term meant or what it was.

I had put my best effort into this opportunity, though it came at a time I was chasing the wind the context to chasing the wind was in pursuit of opportunities. Redemption knocked on my front door, unaware of what it was. It was a stranger to me. Was this real? Was this a mind game? Do second chances exist? I asked myself.

I asked "redemption " what it wanted from me. If I was to receive this second chance or opportunity. Asking the terms for having a shot at redemption to search for opportunities and not to exploit the opportunity. Just to have a second chance, if it did exist.

Back to my negative view of this piece, whereby I got redeemed so many times but failed to understand the value of redemption. That's when I thought it all over, as I sat in the park with a bottle of brandy in my hand.

Hoping to wash down my sorrows, ignite my emotional wreck and forget my uncertain future. The bottle of brandy failed to deliver. Redemption made me remember how many times it had saved me without me realizing it. Redemption had even lost count of how many times it did redeem me.

On how being grateful now would not appease redemption but my chasing it would appease it. So there it was gone with the wind and I had to chase redemption knowing its dignity, worth, and virtue.

Alluding to the truth that if I don't catch it I'm over, I was not even good at creating my opportunities, ideas or even ideologies. They were all delivered to me on a silver platter and now adopting to this game of hide and seek with redemption what a disaster.

I failed at the first attempt to understand the value of redemption or even look further at why I was being redeemed, I did not care. It was all because it came easy for me, without struggle and never put a value on the opportunities that came to me one after the other. Not because I was chasing them or working for them but because they just availed themselves to me without sacrifice or understanding. Hence I saw them cheap. I forgot to question why I had been so fortunate. Why?

Finally, to the positive view of this piece, I had been redeemed by the opportunity I had failed to exploit earlier. As I was walking my back to exploit this opportunity, I asked myself why I had failed before.

As I was chasing the wind as well as the opportunity, all I could see was me getting it and the benefits I would get. What I did not vision or see, was how the opportunity could benefit more from me than I would benefit from it.

It was the aspect of redemption availing itself to me, to think more critically, outside the box and to understand that I had to make something work out positively in this redemption.

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